Tuesday, September 6, 2011

The Big Decision

Michael and I always knew we wanted to adopt.  Before we were married we talked about it - we had no idea that infertility would enter our lives.  We thought we would have biological children and then later adopt older children from foster care - we never even considered adopting children instead of having biological.  A couple of years ago when our secondary infertility turned into secondary infertility with multiple miscarriages, we decided that we wanted to adopt a baby.  We spent a long time talking and praying, making sure it was the right decision for us.  We knew it was.  When we moved to Texas, we began the process.  It's been slow and we've had some bumps in the road.  It's hard to start the adoption process in one state and then move to another just nine short months later.  We've had to redo paperwork and have letters of recommendation rewritten because ours were lost in transit somewhere.  We've experienced another pregnancy and another loss.  We've prayed for a biological miracle while working on finishing up our adoption paperwork.  Recently we finally sat down and talked about what we were doing.  Michael asked if I wanted to try and get pregnant again.  I thought about it for a while and said no.  I said no.  Me.  The very same girl who has been trying to get pregnant for 5 years out of my 6 year marriage said no.  We're both so happy and at peace with our decision.  Infertility can take a toll on your heart and mind.  It's so stressful.  Doctors appointments and tests can just become too much.  Then, when I finally get pregnant I worry more.  I spend weeks throwing up and end up miscarrying.  I want to be a mom again.  That's all I've ever wanted to be.  I don't need a baby to come into my home through my body in order to be a mom.  Michael feels the same way.  He doesn't want to see me hurt anymore and he doesn't want to hurt anymore either.  Lily wants to be a sister. She prays every night and asks for a brother and a sister. She knows that sometimes mommies' bodies have a hard time having a baby in them.  She knows that my body does.  She understands that sometimes Heavenly Father sends babies to families through another person's body.  She's happy.  We're happy.  We know our family will grow.  We long for the day when it does... through adoption.  :)

(I'm exhausted writing this and my thoughts are probably even more jumbled in my mind than they are in this blog... sorry.)


  1. That top picture on this post is ADORABLE!!!!

  2. I'm not sure how I even came across your blog. I was looking up Halloween crafts while my baby naps, and here I am!!

    I also struggled with secondary infertility and recurrent miscarriages. It sucks. Beyond sucks. It was by far the hardest thing I have ever gone through. It is a long, emotional battle, and my heart goes out to you. Good luck in your adoption process. I hope you have success and are blessed to adopt lots of sweet little babies to love and snuggle all day!

    P.S. Your little gal is adorable!